 A
Work in Progress
By Shelly
Belcher
Looking for the
High Road
I’m
going to have a hard time taking the high road.
My biggest problem
as the mother of two – a toddler and a newborn – is when
someone doesn’t want to share their crayons. Inevitably,
someone cries, and then I step in and save the day. It’s all
part of the job of being mom.
These problems are
the easy ones, which I’ve mastered with a little sleight of
hand and some simple mediation, but that doesn’t mean I’m
ready for the next level of difficulty in this little game.
Lately, Kate’s
favorite game is “Kindergarten.” She puts on her little Dora
backpack and pretends that she is getting off the bus and
sitting down at the dining room table to do her homework. She
diligently makes the letters K and H over and over (the only two
she can write at the moment) and tells me that she’s
practicing – just like the big kids.
I’m not ashamed to
admit that kindergarten scares me to death. I’m not one of
those moms who is afraid of losing her “baby.” I look
forward to the things she will learn and do as she gets older.
It’s the kids she will do these things with that make me break
out in a cold sweat.
Kate has a best
friend. She and Cassidy are the kind of friends moms dream of
– they play princess, they sing made up songs, and they are
nice to each other while they do it. They even say “please”
and “thank you” to each other. Kate always saves a cookie
for Cassidy, and Cassidy holds Kate’s hand when she’s afraid
to go down the big slide. They are positively adorable. Every
little girl should have a friend like Cassidy.
But experience tells
me that not all kids are Cassidy. And having been there myself,
I know that kids can be cruel little buggers, and I’m worried
that one day I may just climb on the school bus and make an
example of the first little twit that calls my baby a name on
the way to school.
Theoretically, I
know that I am supposed to teach my daughter to ignore unkind
comments thrown her way – “they’re
just jealous, honey”— or some other platitude should roll of
my tongue. But it doesn’t. I know that sticks and stones will
break her bones, but names will never hurt her, but I can’t
promise that Mommy won’t take out one of these kids with one
swift kick. So I guess we’re at a crossroads.
As a mom, I have
many dreams for my daughters – I want them to be good
students, to have friends and to be good friends. I want them to
succeed, but to have just enough failures to appreciate the
blessings of good fortune and the value of hard work. I want
them to be sweet, polite, and thoughtful members of society.
Sadly, I know that
these attributes would not protect them from the mean-spirited
bullies of the world. It could be the very kindness that I am
trying to instill that could make them targets.
Last year, my nephew
was being picked on by some little snot at daycare. Being a good
mom, my sister told him to ignore the boy and to tell the
teacher if he persisted. Being a concerned aunt, I offered to go
stand outside the play yard and put the fear of God into the
little monster so that he would never so much as look cross-eyed
at my nephew again. I was all ready to go, but my sister
declined the offer – cooler heads prevailed.
In an angry tirade,
a friend recently told me that it does not pay to raise nice
kids. Her son was being bullied at school, and turning the other
cheek made the kids call him a “wimp.” She was just
overwhelmed by the emotion of someone bringing her child to
tears, but does she have a point?
While kindness
should always prevail, how can I teach my girls to be nice, but
to have the courage and confidence to stand up for themselves
and defend what they know is right?
Maybe the best thing
I can do is model the way, which as we all know is much easier
said than done. Do I always stop a conversation when someone
says something unkind about another friend? I wish I could say
yes, but I can’t. Do I stop myself from commenting on the way
someone is dressed when we’re at the mall? Sadly, the easy
joke just rolls too effortlessly off my tongue.
The good news is
that I still have another year or so before Kate gets on that
school bus for the first time. I know Kate will be ready. As for
me? Let’s just say I’m a work in progress. |
