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Simple
Fixes for the Simple Guy
 Fixing
Up After Your Friends
Patching the hole your knucklehead buddies put in the wall
By Ryan Patrick
Your wife went out of
town to see her parents and took the kids with her. It’s the
first weekend in years that you’ve had the house to yourself.
So, against her instructions, you invite a dozen of your best
friends in the world over for an evening of poker, beer, pizza and
wings. What could possibly go wrong?
Lots. Let’s face it,
the only thing more wild and out of control than a 21-year-old kid
might be a group of married men who have been caged up in the
domestic gulag for too long. But let’s skip the ugliness and
fast forward about 10 hours after your poker party has
ended. The guys came over, things got a little out of
control, and someone accidentally put a hole in your game room
drywall. At the time, it might have seemed pretty funny.
But now it’s Sunday
morning, and you’re no longer laughing. Your wife will be home
Monday afternoon. What do you do from here?
To cover your tracks,
you’ll need a small can of joint compound, a four-inch putty
knife, a small piece of wood, a fresh piece of drywall and some
paint that matches your wall color. Covering up a drywall hole
doesn’t take much material (there’s a good chance you have
this stuff at home), just time, patience and a couple of prayers.
If you’re missing anything on the list, make a quick run to your
local home improvement store.
What you need to do is
carefully saw out the hole into a small square – not too big,
but big enough to work in, maybe 6 inches by 6 inches. Next, sand
the edges gently to smooth out any rough spots. Then, take your
piece of scrap-wood, which should be slightly longer and thinner
than the hole you just made, and insert it into the opening,
screwing it to the studs behind the drywall, creating a backing
board.
From there, you simply
cut out a piece of drywall that is the same size as the hole you
cut out and insert it into the opening. Use a couple of drywall
screws to secure the new piece into place. Then, using your joint
compound, cover the edges and screw holes, scraping off any excess
to minimize sanding.
(If the hole isn’t
too large and you’re really in a pinch, you can forgo the above
steps and use drywall tape. Simply put the tape over the hole and
smooth the joint compound over it. While it won’t be as strong
as using a piece of drywall and can crack easily if bumped into,
if you take your time, it will look like a normal wall.)
Now, go get some lunch
while the spackle hardens. You may need to repeat the process
again to ensure proper covering. When the joint compound has set
up, sand the area until smooth and then wipe off the dust.
You’re almost there.
If the world we live
in were a simple place, you’d simply grab a can of paint and
finish the job. However, ROY G. BIV (an easy way to remember the
seven colors of the rainbow; red, orange, yellow, green, blue,
indigo and violet) rarely grace the average home. You’re more
likely to find something like burnt sienna, Caribbean coral, lemon
chiffon, or some other color that’s been mixed at a paint store.
To find a match, take
that piece of broken drywall and go to the paint store. They’ll
have a machine that can analyze the paint and create a perfect
match. Then, scamper home and put on the matching paint, probably
two coats, and with a little luck, she’ll never know of your
transgression.
[Editor’s note: This
magazine firmly believes that after fixing up the mess you
created, you should immediately confess to your wife and admit
that you’re just no good on your own.]
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